In a long anticipated move advocated by President Trump and Special Confidant without Portfolio (SCP) Steve Bannon, the Republican party has changed its name to The White People’s Party. Said the president: “The term ‘Republican’ has a lot of messy history. It says country club. It says elitist. It says Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice. We’re all about something brave and new now”. Myself and my amazing staff have discussed fully realizing real Americans’ vision for the future, and that includes accurate names for everything.
Said press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “We received a little blowback from the NSWPP [the dormant National Socialist White People’s Party] regarding rights to the name, but after a meeting we convinced them that this move is for the betterment of all Americans, including our traditionally Aryan friends.”
Sanders added “Naturally the media will get this completely wrong. All Americans are welcome to be White People. In fact we encourage it whole-heartedly. Personally I would never be part of any exclusionary party.” Upon hearing of Sanders’ remarks the president thrust 2 thumbs up and exclaimed “Sarah is just amazing. And so are White People”.
Said Paul Ryan, “I think the president is on the right track here and should be given enough room to make his vision work. Personally I’m proud to be both a white person and in the White People’s Party. The haters trying to divide our great country will cry racism, but this new, better vision of America has no room for racism or hate.”