The New Election Strategy 2

Second in a series (yikes!)

The president is giving a post-Midterm election speech on television

Citizens of the United States, the greatest country on Earth, my country, our country

(hesitates, glances to the rear of the room)


Fellow Americans,

I am here before you to discuss some grave news. I will get right to the point. The republic is in crisis. Although we have just held a seemingly normal election, federal and state agencies, working in tandem, have discovered something more sinister at the bottom of it.

(pauses, once again looks to rear of room)

This election was not conducted fairly or under democratic principles. We have discovered that many results were manipulated by external forces. Currently we have identified several races that do not reflect the actual winner. We will be releasing the full list shortly. Because the evidence is overwhelming any ‘false winners’ will not be seated in January until the results can be verified by our team.

It appears that several million fake votes were cast, many by non-citizens, many that were fabricated completely by hackers, many even by dead people. Initial data points to the same sources that falsely attributed several million non-existent votes to Hillary Clinton but we have no conclusion yet. It appears to the government that over 100 Democrat House candidates and over 20 Democrat governor candidates that were proclaimed winners, I mean Gubernatorial (pronounced Goo-Vern-a-turial) — were not really victorious, based on our verifiable data. These ‘false winners’ will not be acknowledged until full recounts have been accomplished, filtering out votes we know to be fake. For now the Republican candidates will be declared the winners.

The government’s evidence will remain classified and under seal for the foreseeable future.

I would like to introduce Kris Kobach, a veteran crusader for Democracy and the head of the new Task Force Fair Election USA. Kris was one of the first to identify the nefarious forces undermining our democracy and there is no one I trust more to handle and solve our vote fraud problems once and for all. There is no one YOU should trust more …

… besides myself of course

(gives 2 thumbs up and grins)

Kobach steps up,

Thank You sir. As we and the American people, know, voter fraud has infected the United Stets for several years now. I think we can finally do battle with a full set of resources. We will be reporting further shortly.

Trump gives half-smile

That is great

Trump is distracted, glances to the rear again. Recognizes someone …

Elbows Kobach out of the way. Kobach leaves the stage.

There’s one more person I’m going to introduce. Brett Kavanaugh is joining me on the broadcast.

Kavanaugh walks into the picture. It seems apparent that this was not in the script for the telecast.

Trump vigorously pumps his hand, pulls him rather forcibly to center-stage. Kavanaugh appears uneasy.

This is another example of why fake news cannot win. We will win. The Democrats are spreading fake news with these fake wins. We will reveal how much they lost by.

(pauses, sneers …)


Telecast Fades to Black


The New Election Strategy

(First part of some number of parts greater than 1)

We are shortly after the 2018 Midterms. The Democrats have retaken the House, barely. The GOP seems oddly unconcerned. They are thinking outside the constitutional box and to a better future.

Fun Note: With the impending departure of LZ2 we will be dealing with only one Lizard (for now). Of course there are many lizards in the thorny and amoral world of politics, but not that many in the Houseplant Biosphere.

We will call him Lizardo (LZ) … (why do I feel a Tony Bennett melody coming on?)

LZ: I’m glad we got the drunk guy in. That was an important piece of the puzzle

IR: The Big Man will love this

SEM: I hope he sticks to the script. That will be a great speech.

LZ: I think we pace it slowly

SEM: Why? I want to see the end of the Democratic Party in my lifetime

LZ: No no no. The USA has to be a 2 party system. Otherwise we’re what, Venezuela?

IR: I agree. What’s the difference if the Democrats run California? We need a good bogeyman.

(Murmured assent)

SEM: OK, fine. Are we giving them any other states?

LZ: New York for sure. And maybe what, Hawaii?

(Laughter all around)

Unknown attendee: And American Samoa!

(Laughter swells in intensity)

SEM: Let’s get the meetings together. We need to get the findings out soon. The election never happened!

(LZ eye roll)

BJR has just entered

BJR: Of course it happened. But we won easily. How could we not win? We’re the winners. Lets get this fraud out in the open

LZ: Yes. Good. Meeting over.

LZ: (quietly but tersely, to IR): How did he get in here? That little dolt will blab it on twitter before the speech. I think he might believe the narrative. That’s trouble.

To be continued …


The Meeting of the Minds

Today, You Are There introduces a very special participant in our series: THE Houseplant himself (if you are unclear on his real identity please check here: . In addition we are introducing a new character as well:

Angry White Judge (AWJ)


Off we go

The Houseplant (HP) and AWJ are sitting in a large SUV on an empty highway near the woods. They are applying disguises.

AWJ: Are you sure this meeting is safe? This is a sensitive time for me.

HP: Don’t worry about a thing. Photography is not allowed inside. I’ve found this to be a pretty safe haven. Of course the disguises are a must. But a lot of the customers are disguised. It’s all taken in stride.

He places a large afro wig on his head and pastes on a salt and pepper handlebar mustache. He is wearing a dashiki with several layers of Mardi Gras beads. The final touch is a pair of enormous gold-tinged Aviator sunglasses.

HP: Let’s get that wig on already.

AWJ: OK, let me finish my makeup.

AWJ puts on a large blonde wig, with hair cascading down past his collar. He has pasted on a blondish-red mustache and goatee. He is wearing clip-on earrings with enormous peace signs. He has applied an Instant Tan product which gives him a fairly dark skin tone, especially in contrast to the blonde wig. He is wearing overalls, work boots and a plaid shirt. He also has giant Aviator sunglasses, in red.

HP: That outfit’s a little weird but as far as disguises go I think it will work. Remember, anyone takes a photo; we call security and seize their camera. And it’s too dark inside to photo anything without a flash. Remember, NEVER take off the glasses, for any reason.

AWJ starts the SUV and they proceed down the road for roughly 15 miles. Little is spoken on the way.

HP: Ah, there it is. Pull into the lot.

The first lights for several miles are visible. A huge neon sign announces Kitty’s Den-o-Sin in multi-colored flashing lights. A squat building with music blaring from inside lies before them. The parking lot is ½ full, about 15 vehicles.

HP: My spot! Middle of nowhere, nobody bothers us. Word is Clinton used to hang out here in his, er, private time. I think his disguise was some kind of a hipster musician cat. We all would have been better off if he was a better sax player, could go play for some dumbass rock band in the South or something and skipped politics,

Our protagonists enter the club and find a table near the stage. It is indeed dimly lit, with the exception of the brightly illuminated central stage, currently featuring 4 women in various stages of undress. One is completely naked; the others will get there soon enough. The customer area is arranged in a circle around the stage.

The waitress approaches immediately.

AWJ: Scotch rocks please

HP: Ginger ale

HP: This is a nice relaxation place. You know, I love Virginia, but this place is great for some relaxing man time. I know you could use that.

AWG: Oh yeah, for sure. These crazed leftist chicks are on the warpath. Don’t they know what Yale is like? Even that nitwit Bush was a drunken horn dog.

AWG drains his drink and signals for another.

HP: Well I’m here to tell you that the time is coming soon when you’ll be in charge. And we can show those crazy bitches, er no no, I didn’t say that …

HP is a little disoriented but recovers after a minute of silence. AWG takes the lull in conversation as an opportunity to drain his second drink.

HP: OK, anyway we’re going to be in charge. We’re going to ignore the women on the court, we’re going to ignore all that left wing noise around the country, the men are in charge. The women on the court have been a huge pain, even O’Connor. God, she was the worst. Nino hated her, still hard to believe she was a Reagan appointment. Ginsburg is the only one you can talk to but of course she’s basically a socialist, same as that Mexican one.

AWG: Nino?

HP: Mr. Scalia’s nickname for his friends. Not only my inspiration, but a man so smart and so ethical I never had to pay much attention. Whichever way he went, that was my vote too. I certainly miss him. What would Nino do? I ask myself that at every session. Well, at every voting session. I don’t pay much attention to the rigmarole and the endless lawyer posturing. Waste of effort if you ask me. Nino had his mind made up well before the hot air started.

AWG: Listen, these Democrats are getting nothing from me. This is a crazed conspiracy, I’m fed up. I’m with you. To Nino!

AWG lifts his glass, but it’s empty. He frantically signals for another drink, which is quickly delivered.

HP: You probably want to slow down there a bit.

AWG: I’m totally in control.

One of the dancers has just come off stage. She approaches the gents and offers a lap dance. HP waves her away immediately.

HP: Remember, we’re strictly spectators here.

AWG is staring forlornly as she walks away. He has finished his 3rd drink.

HP: So look, what I want to tell you again is the men are in charge now. The court and the country, we will be setting the agenda, as its always been, as it should be. The liberal noise, you can tune that out. That’s going nowhere. I was where you are now, and you can see it all blew over.

AWG: I hope so. I’ve got my enemies list going already. Total outrage.

HP: Yes, OK

AWG has summoned his 4th drink. He appears a bit unsteady

HP: We have to get going. I’ll drive.

Another dancer has finished her shift. She also approaches the table offering a lap dance. HP tries to reject her but AWG has a different idea.

AWG: (now clearly drunk): Hey, hey, STOP trying to be in control. You’re worse than the Democrats. Honey, come here. I’m ready. Be gentle. (AWG guffaws loudly at his joke).

Our scene ends with HP striding out in disgust. AWG is now hugging the dancer as she attempts to do her lap dance. He has placed 2 100 dollar bills on the table, so she is putting up with his groping with a bemused grin and several eye rolls. His blonde wig has slipped off and is on the floor. It appears someone is readying their phone for a snapshot …


Handicapping the Democratic Presidential Challengers

The landscape has changed for presidential campaigns – everyone wants to be president now! Donald Trump has shown that:

  • You don’t have to work that hard
  • You don’t really have to know much, although pretending you do is A-OK
  • You don’t have to prepare for meetings or speeches
  • You can continue to enrich yourself, allowing your family and your companies to leverage your office
  • You can say anything
  • You can threaten anybody

And, really, you don’t have to be very smart or, you know, read books or anything like that.

Thus luminaries such as Oscar de la Hoya and Dwayne Johnson have declared their intent to seek the presidency.[1] Even a relatively sober captain of industry such as Jamie Dimon has decided he’s smarter than Trump and thus could beat him in an election[2]

An easy decision apparently, although Dimon has since claimed he was not actually running, but that he could.

And there’s a whole raft of contenders waiting in the wings – The Houseplant is here to help you make sense of them. If this was a monetized and/or commercial website we’d do it in Listicle format – you’d have to page through every single one of these guys and gals, accompanied by a huge stock photo, a tiny blurb, and endless ads and popups. At the Houseplant it’s all content, no filler ,no ads and no apologies either.

The list of luminaries below comes from an internet betting site and the odds listed come from that site. In other words you can make actual bets and get those odds. I am not picking them randomly, despite appearances to the contrary. I have not supplied the full list, however.

Let’s get started start with our 2 poster kid sports figures:

Oscar de la Hoya

Biggest Pro: Shoo-in for most of the Latino vote (we think)

Biggest Con: Not a shoo-in for most of the non-Latino vote

Salient Characteristic: Can beat up anyone on this list with the possible exception of Dwayne Johnson

Bonus Fun Fact: Earned a Grammy nomination in 2001

Odds: No line currently offered

Dwayne Johnson

Biggest Pro: Very affable and photogenic

Biggest Con: Film and television may interfere with campaigning and/or motivation

Salient Characteristic: Can beat up anyone on this list with the possible exception of Oscar de la Hoya

Bonus Fun Fact: Played in the Canadian Football League

Odds: No longer on the board

Chelsea Clinton

Biggest Pro: She’s a Clinton (and not Hillary)

Biggest Con: She’s a Clinton

Salient Characteristic: Politics is a ‘definite maybe’ for now

Bonus Fun Fact: Has written three children’s books

Odds: 100 / 1

George Clooney

Biggest Pro: See Dwayne Johnson

Biggest Con: Lifestyle would be degraded considerably by presidency, has young children

Salient Characteristic: Likes Italy much more than DC

Bonus Fun Fact: Had a pet pig that saved his life by waking him before an earthquake

Odds: 50 / 1

Howard Schultz

Biggest Pro: Wealthy enough to not be beholden to special interests

Biggest Con: We saw what that got us with Trump

Salient Characteristic: Upgrade in White House coffee quality

Bonus Fun Fact: The original Starbucks outlets were first named Il Giornale

Odds: 30 / 1

Michelle Obama

Biggest Pro: She’s an Obama, and how good does that look right now?

Biggest Con: A daytime talk show would be a much more attractive gig

Salient Characteristic: Can beat up anyone on this list with the exception of Oscar de la Hoya and Dwayne Johnson

Bonus Fun Fact: Tallest 1st lady in history (5’11”, tied with Eleanor Roosevelt)

Odds: 25 / 1

Cory Booker

Biggest Pro: Will attract large African-American voter turnout, considered pragmatic Obama-style successor

Biggest Con: Didn’t really do all that well in New Jersey. But who does? (even ‘future GOP nominee’ Christie ultimately crashed and burned)

Salient Characteristic: Not married (usually fatal for national candidates)

Bonus Fun Fact: Recent girlfriend is an Instagram poet (really) 19 years his junior

Odds: 15 / 1

Oprah Winfrey

Biggest Pro: Everyone loves her

Biggest Con: She’d like to keep it that way, despite contempt for Trump

Salient Characteristic: Moving from Santa Barbara to DC is a major downgrade

Bonus Fun Fact: Has done voices for several cartoon characters

Odds: 14.5 / 1

Joe Biden

Biggest Pro: An actual professional politician with a track record and clear positions on major issues

Biggest Con: See biggest Pro

Salient Characteristic: Will be 78 in 2020

Bonus Fun Fact: Elected to the senate at age 29 (sworn in at 30, the minimum age requirement)

Odds: 6.5 / 1

Jerry Brown

Biggest Pro: Has successfully governed largest state in the USA

Biggest Con: That state is resented by many swing state voters

Salient Characteristic: Even older than Biden

Bonus Fun Fact: His rogue presidential run in 1980 was a pivotal early factor in dooming Jimmy Carter’s re-election campaign

Odds: 37.5 / 1

Eric Garcetti

Biggest Pro: Well-spoken and successful mayor of a mega-city whose metro area has a higher population than 46 other states

Biggest Con: See Jerry Brown

Salient Characteristic: No one has ever gone directly from being mayor to president although several have tried

Bonus Fun Fact: Is a very good jazz pianist

Odds: 23.5 / 1

Tim Kaine

Biggest Pro: Anodyne enough for independent voters

Biggest Con: Too anodyne for other voters?

Salient Characteristic: The very picture of centrist Democrat competence i.e. pure Virginia

Bonus Fun Fact: Was quoted thusly: “I am boring. But boring is the fastest growing demographic in this country.”

Odds: 37.5 / 1

Al Franken

Biggest Pro: Successfully remade himself as a serious and thoughtful politician

Biggest Con: The gropey thing seems to play better in the GOP

Salient Characteristic: Was forced out for 2 groping incidents despite being one of the top women’s advocates in the senate

Bonus Fun Fact: Widely rumored to be planning a return to politics

Odds: 47.5 / 1

Tulsi Gabbard

Biggest Pro: Fresh face with pro-military (but anti foreign interventionist) and centrist views

Biggest Con: Seems to be a cult member, the Hindu affiliation may be an albatross

Salient Characteristic:  Very cozy with rabid anti-Muslim Indian leader Modi, to the point of being an apologist for continuing attacks on Muslims in India

Bonus Fun Fact: South Carolina GOP senator Trey Gowdy has publicly referred to her as ‘cute’

Odds: 26.5 / 1

Mark Zuckerberg

Biggest Pro: Will introduce t-shirts as standard attire for White House staff meetings

Biggest Con: Thankfully does not seem to want the job at all

Salient Characteristic: Possibly the shadiest and most opaque “tech titan”

Bonus Fun Fact: Probably the most gifted developer (back when they were developers) among the tech titans

Odds: 30 / 1

Michael Avenatti

Biggest Pro: Hates Trump

Biggest Con: Acts like Trump

Salient Characteristic: Loves to bait Trump, governing ability probably also equivalent to Trumps (roughly zero)

Bonus Fun Fact: Ran Tully’s Coffee into the ground, including multiple allegations of fraud, tax evasion, etc. (see: Biggest con above. Double entendre intended)

Odds: 22.5 / 1

Hillary Clinton

Biggest Pro: Please

Biggest Con: Make

Salient Characteristic: it

Bonus Fun Fact: Stop

Odds: 32.5 / 1

Kamala Harris

Biggest Pro: Asian / Black ethnicity will bring those groups out to vote

Biggest Con: But will it bring the Hispanics?

Salient Characteristic: Current frontrunner on the betting line but still a fairly large underdog against the field

Bonus Fun Fact: Obama called her “the best looking attorney general in the country.”

Odds: 3.5 / 1

Elizabeth Warren

Biggest Pro: Will go the distance to take down Trump

Biggest Con: Probably better at that in the senate

Salient Characteristic: Is now open about ‘considering’ a 2020 presidential run

Bonus Fun Fact: Her presence in the field will keep Trump’s dull-witted racism front and center

Odds: 5.25 / 1

Bernie Sanders

Biggest Pro: Sincere, passionate, speaks for disenfranchised Americans

Biggest Con: Seems to feel Denmark (population: 5,700,000) is a role model for future US domestic policy

Salient Characteristic: Probably would have beaten Clinton without DNC intervention in 2016

Bonus Fun Fact: Probably would have beaten Trump without DNC intervention in 2016

Odds: 6.75 / 1

Gavin Newsom

Biggest Pro: Photogenic future governor of largest state, fairly effective mayor of a city that punches well above its demographic weight

Biggest Con: See Jerry Brown and Eric Garcetti, admitted adulterer (the adultery things plays better in the GOP these days, as we well know)

Salient Characteristic: Something of a Democratic Paul Ryan born with a silver spoon, well-connected (and even better funded), has not faced much political adversity

Bonus Fun Fact: Newsom’s grandfather was a strategist for Pat Brown and godfather of Jerry Brown’s sister Kathleen. Newsom’s father was appointed to the appellate court by Jerry Brown. Did we say connected?

Odds: 9.5 / 1

Your Humble Narrator

Biggest Pro: Super-Smart

Biggest Con: Too Smart

Salient Characteristic: Kind of a Smart-ass

Bonus Fun Fact: Thinks he’s smarter than Trump. Like everyone else does

Odds: ∞

  1. Johnson still wants to run, just not in 2020 apparently


The Conversion of Donald Trump

During the 2016 presidential campaign it was repeatedly asserted by various parties that a ‘presidential pivot’ would occur if and when Trump was presented with the awesome responsibility of being president. The petulant and incessant tweeting would stop, the insults that would embarrass a half-bright 12 year old would cease, and Donald Trump, a vain and foolish man who probably did not even want the job, would suddenly become a sober, if not particularly wise, statesman.[1]

The idea of ‘Statesman Trump’ remains an abstract fiction that was never taken too seriously, even by his allies (a main part of his appeal continues to be that he is the opposite of a statesman, aka. a politician). It’s bad enough to continue to hear about ‘Master Negotiator’ Trump and ‘Business Genius’ Trump, two fairy tales that continue to retain traction among the faithful.

As we all learned, and have been witnessing ever since, Trump the narcissistic sociopath has eclipsed any version that might attempt at least a modicum of comity or respect. He has taken advantage of his new, larger (that would be largest) stage to reinforce and continue the United States’ latest experiment in democracy: what would happen if a spoiled teenage boy became president and decided he was king?[2]

In any case, belaboring the lack of the presidential pivot is old and tiresome news. But there is a presidential pivot that has occurred: the fond embrace between Donald Trump and the hyper-politicized Evangelical movement in the United States.

Evangelical support for the Republican Party is by now common knowledge. The worm turned permanently in the 1980 election when Ronald Reagan, a former actor not known for his piousness, was the overwhelming choice of the Evangelical movement over Jimmy Carter, an actual evangelical.

Jimmy Carter represents a now severely diminished branch of the American Evangelical movement commonly referred to as Progressive Evangelicalism, a movement focused on social reform and a rather socialistic view of wealth redistribution, e.g., “military restraint, a less imperial foreign policy, human rights, racial reconciliation, affordable healthcare, and equal rights for women.”[3]

For various reasons, mainly a tanking economy and the foreign policy disaster in Iran, Carter was largely unable to pursue these issues. It is important to note that Carter was swept into the office by a huge evangelical turnout, embracing his “born-again” proclamations and reveling in their nascent political power.

There are disparate views over the wholesale Evangelical rush over to Reagan and the GOP in 1980. One viewpoint claims that the ‘States’ Rights idea Reagan harped on endlessly (and far more frequently than anything like outlawing abortion or suppressing gay rights) was a green light towards continued segregation of religious academies.[4] There are other points of view that claim that, like a jilted lover, the Religious Right was sorely disappointed in “President Carter’s failure to actively oppose legalized abortion, homosexual rights, and the Equal Rights Amendment”.[5]

I would offer a third hypothesis: Carter was going down, Reagan was going to win. Not only was the Religious Right eager to embrace a winner, Reagan was willing to say whatever they wanted to hear. He claimed to be born again and repeatedly stressed his “new relationship with God”[6] Hey, everything’s good. Despite the fact that being previously divorced was formerly a deal breaker in Evangelical circles, little details like that could now be overlooked in the larger scheme. [7]

Thus the moral component of political evangelism was shunted aside and the GOP and the Evangelical movement now went hand in hand. And they still do.

As the current mutation of the bankruptcy of “faith-based politics”, Donald Trump has found religion. Or more accurately, he has found religious allies. The Trump cabinet has a huge Evangelical quotient, including rather radical believers such as Mike Pence, Mike Pompeo and Betsy DeVos, all of whom seek to bring a “Christian” perspective to national policy. What is ironic about all of this is they are in service to a leader whose personal ethics would seem to be contrary to any sort of Christian beliefs. Trump himself has played up his (nascent) Christianity, proclaiming “The Art of the Deal was his “second favourite book” after the Bible.”[8] Silliness like that has been offset by his clear unfamiliarity with basic tenets of Christianity. Nevertheless, there have been awkward attempt to put Trump firmly in the camp of what is referred to as prosperity theology – in a nutshell, if you’re rich and prosperous it means you are a good person, and if you are a ‘loser’, well, I guess that’s evidence of a lack of Godliness.[9]

Well, alright then. We’ve now reached the pinnacle; it seems, of the intermingling of the Religious Right. Trump, on his part, has aggressively nominated[10] extreme right wing federal judges to any and all vacancies, a process that has delighted even the doubters in his own party. Concomitant to the various judicial appointments (mostly Appeals court vacancies for now) is the current nomination of Brett Kavanaugh – by many accounts Kavanaugh was selected primarily for his views on “religious liberty” – one of those euphemisms that doesn’t not mean quite what it implies. In our current environment it primarily means erosion of the separation of church and state, or as one article put it: “Kavanaugh’s alleged emphasis on religious liberty is a political wet kiss for Trump. It shows Trump’s base that they were right in voting for him[11]

It is probably true that Trump has no qualms about accepting support from most any group that will give it to him (see: White Supremacists), and an opportunity to beat his chest in front of yet another gaggle of adorers is not to be underestimated. Yet there is a certain cynicism at work here that supersedes even the earlier twisted relationships between the Religious Right and the GOP. By now the mild pretensions to progressive thought that marked (some of) the pre-Reagan Evangelical movements have disintegrated and the alliance of Religion and State has become fully politicized, with no relevance to either morality or constitutional law.

  1. Even Barack Obama assumed Trump would moderate his loose approach to facts and truthfulness and moderate his attitude once in office Surprise!
  2. Alexis de Tocqueville wrote about the ‘American Experiment’ in Democracy in America, but I wonder if he saw this phase coming?
  4. It seems quaint and outdated today but the furor over racially segregated Christian academies was a sensational item at one time. Bob Jones University was the poster child for the fundamentalist outrage over the IRS crackdown on “segregation academies” (including Jerry Falwell’s), ironically initiated by Richard Nixon.
  6. See previous reference
  7. Ronald Regan was the first divorced politician widely endorsed for national office by Evangelicals
  9. Despite harping on this for some degree, this article does briefly note that the main religion for Trump is money (and power), and that his appeal to Evangelicals and rural voters is his promise to sprinkle some cash their way
  10. In these divisive and bipartisan times, a nomination by Trump is a de facto appointment to office.
  11. For more article on the current meaning of Religious Liberty please also see

Interview with the Emperor

Dateline Vancouver, British Columbia, sometime in 2026. Donald Trump is in town for a celebrity golf tournament. Steve Bannon is the current president of the United States.

The Press, as it may have looked prior to the 2020 purges, has essentially disappeared from the USA. Fox News functions as a government entity run by the Department of Homeland Security. CNN has moved to Switzerland and while it continues to cover American politics, its website is blocked by the DHS firewall. The firewall also restricts access to many other formerly prominent media outlets, such as the Washington Post Company, the New York Times, CBS and many others. Accessing any content, digital, printed or otherwise, is punishable by a 3 month jail sentence. Third (or more) time offenders are eligible for treason charges.

Trump weighs 350 pounds and is confined to a wheelchair with Type 2 diabetes. Bannon’s first action as president was to execute an order placing Trump’s visage on all American currency (congressional ratification of any policy or law is a formality and always 100%, effective with the Anti-Treason Executive Action of 2023).

Today Donald Trump has invited Canadian journalist Peter Sensibaugh for a no-holds barred interview, where he promises to speak candidly about his time in office. He has agreed that no question or topic is off limits, excepting his family’s finances. This interview could not take place on American soli anymore, due to the Anti-Treason laws executed in 2021. Many suspect Trump wishes to unburden himself after a controversial 8 years that reshaped American society and the world order. Others in Canada speculate he simply wants more attention, as he has somewhat faded from the daily news cycle.

Peter Sensibaugh (PS): Good Morning Sir

Donald Trump (DT): Good Morning

PS: There are a large number of topics that Canadians are curious about. As you know, President Bannon recently threatened to terminate diplomatic relations with Canada and has hinted about arming the border. This comes on the heels of suspending trade with Canada last year. This has many people nervous. Is it your opinion that this state of affairs is preferable to the relationship in place prior to 2016?

DT: No question about it. I made border security a top priority during my terms and I delivered. The wall finally got built and once we added those machine guns at the top (chuckles to himself, trails off …). In any case the Canadians have laughed at us for decades over the porous border and I’m glad Steve’s putting a stop to it. No one’s laughing at the USA anymore. That free trade nonsense was a great source of comedy to the rest of the world.

We offered Canada a prime role in a new USA that would include Canada in the federation and allow provinces to maintain states’ rights similar to what we enjoy in the US. That was a pretty good deal, and Canada turned it down.

PS: The inflation rate in the US is now over 20% and the dollar has been replaced with Bitcoin II as the primary international currency.

DT: The inflation is whatever we say it is. Black market currency dealing is a treasonous offense.

PS: Let’s talk about the press purge in 2021. May feel that was a decisive turning point both in US history and the world events.

DT: I think when you have an institution that is spreading lies, and won’t stop doing it despite repeated warnings, then action has to be taken.

PS: Freedom of the Press is in the 1st Amendment.

DT: (glares silently)

DT: We’ve heard this nonsense before and I’m glad we’ve put a stop to it. If you yell Fire! In a theater, that’s not covered. The lying ‘press’ was yelling fire every single day. The got what they deserved. As early as 2016 I mentioned that the constant stream of fake news was treasonous. We cannot condone treasonous activity.

PS: The subsequent suicides of several journalists in jail seemed very tragic and also a remarkable coincidence.

DT: Listen, these were unstable individuals. Pathological liars really. They were going to be in jail for a long time anyway after the treason convictions, and my only regret is that we did not guard more fully against these actions prior to the trials.

PS: The subsequent trials were compared to Stalinist show trials.

DT: Not by anyone in the American media. We effectively cleaned that up. And we’ve relocated a lot of those characters to work camps. If they show proper change of attitude, they’re back in society in a few years from now.

PS: You claimed that coverage of the 2020 election was pretext for the Journalism purge

DT: After the widespread fraud and misreporting of the 2018 midterms we could not tolerate more fake news. The Liberal press was complicit in both trying to bring down the administration as well as spreading the lie that the elections were honest

Note: The Democrats decisively won the house and took control of the senate in the 2018 midterms. The Trump administration immediately filed suit to invalidate the election, and as Supreme Court ruling prevented the newly elected representatives and senators from taking office until further study and full recounts and investigations into voter fraud.

PS: Would you entertain the possibility that the Democrats won the midterms?

DT: Not a chance. Completely fraudulent. Wake up man! The Russians have colluded with the Democrats from the start, and we have evidence that millions of illegal aliens voted Democratic, some several times.

PS: Have you released that evidence?

DT: It’s classified. We have acted appropriately.

PS: Are you referring to the 2020 election, where Latinos were not allowed to vote?

DT: You are misstating the facts. I thought you Canadians had learned from events to the South. No American citizens were prevented from voting. However we had overwhelming reports of potential fraud in certain areas and among certain groups. We had to take precautions.

PS: It was reported that it could take Latino voters over an hour to cast their vote, and that each voter was interrogated regarding their citizenship status.

DT: That was necessary to safeguard the election.

Note: Even with a record low Latino turnout, Trump barely won the election. It was widely speculated that the vote totals were fraudulent in many precincts and, based on exit polls and pre-election polling that he lost decisively.

DT: After the misreporting in 2020 we had to take action. The Liberal press were no longer journalists, they were traitors. Continuing to question policy and criticize the countrys’leaders plays right into the hands of our enemies. Our enemies laughed at us when they read the liberal press reports.

PS: So you arrested them all.

DT: We arrested traitors based on the constitution.

PS: Can you go into the disenfranchisement of Latinos, another 2021 policy initiative?

DT: Well, you fellows to the North are just as bad as the traitors in jail. There is no disenfranchisement. Our investigators have uncovered overwhelming evidence of citizenship fraud among Latinos, mostly Mexicans of course.

PS: And this is related to the voter fraud?

DT: There is a large overlap.

PS: Is it fair to completely suspend all Social Security, Disability and other government payments to the groups while under investigation.

DT: Of course. Eventually we will reveal that they are not really citizens and they will be lawfully deported. In the meantime why would we give them money they are not entitled to? We have overwhelming support from real Americans on this issue.

PS: Let’s talk a bit about the rehabilitation of President Bannon. You did an about face on his presidential candidacy, several years after forcing his resignation from your administration.

Steve Bannon won the presidency in 2024 with 85% of Electoral College votes. International election watchers consider the results fraudulent. Following widespread rioting, there were mass arrests, leading to the establishment of ‘tent prisons’ in the Nevada desert. These tented camps have been growing and are estimated to hold over 30,000 political prisoners at this time.

DT: Steve and I never disagreed; he was just getting too far ahead of the script and trying to do his own thing. No one usurps Donald Trump. In any case we have a good team in place – Donald Jr. as VP, Jared at State and Ivanka doing Defense. We think Steve will step down after one term and let Donald Jr. run. We like his chances. (winks, gives thumbs up)

DT: OK, we are done Peter. I have a little surprise. The joke is on you, and this interview will never be published.

Trumps nods to his bodyguard, who opens the door and lets in several more large men in black suits.

DT: You’re under arrest for treason. I’ll tell you, I don’t have that much opportunity for fun like this anymore. But Steve, Jared and I were planning this for a while. You dumb Canadians should not have turned down the alliance

Roughly at this time the United States declared that Canada was now part of the North American Federation of America. US Troops move aggressively over the border. Martial law has been declared in Canada. The Stock Market closes slightly down.


Meet the New Candidate

The scene is the Roosevelt Room. Most of the Cabinet and higher level staffers are in attendance. SEM has a good-sized German Shepherd on a leash. The dog is slightly agitated but not hostile.

SEM: Ladies and Gentleman meet Rusty. We are running him for the 10th District in California.

CBI is eating a hamburger. There is another hamburger on a plate to his right.

SEM: Sir, We’d like you to meet Rusty, one of the new faces of the new Republican party. He is the first of what we hope will be a successful group of alternatives to business as usual in Washington and state legislatures.

BS: We’re cleaning up the swamp! Nothing is cleaner than a dog!

There is a brief silence in the room. CBI takes another bite of his hamburger.

CBI: (mumbling with mouth full). You KNOW I don’t like dogs. OK, never mind, let’s get this over with.

PS: We need a quick group of photos sir, then we’ll leave you alone

LZ1 and LZ2 enter the room smiling

CBI: Do they have to be in the shot too?

PS: Party unity sir. There will be a series of shots and we need the Lizard twins in there just to show we are behind Rusty 100%. He IS incorruptible.

LZ1: After that Pruitt mess we need someone a little more likable.

SEM leads Rusty to CBI. CBI has just started on the second hamburger. The photographers and videographers are ready to record the meeting. SEM is grinning broadly. Rusty is slightly more agitated.

SEM: Sir I’d like you to meet Rusty, Republican candidate. Shake, Rusty!

CBI extends his non-burger hand. Rusty the German Shepherd leaps for the (almost whole) hamburger in the other hand. CBI is bowled over backwards. Rusty is grabbing for the burger but CBI is showing impressive dexterity in keeping it barely out of reach. SEM has maintained hold of the leash but has been capsized and is on the floor desperately preventing Rusty from getting at CBI’s burger.

The 3 tussle on the floor in a maze of suits, dog and burger. There is bedlam in the room. CBI continues to wrestle on the floor with Rusty. Rusty has gained control of the burger and is finishing wolfing it down. SEM has lost his grasp on the leash and is trapped on the floor adjacent to Rusty and CBI; the leash is now wrapped around SEM.

After several staffers intervene order is restore. PS has taken control of the leash. SEM is attempting to straighten his wrinkled suit, which has a large tear at the left knee. CBI’s suit appears intact but is severely wrinkled and has large spots of dog saliva in several places.

CBI: Shoot this animal!

PS: No sir! The publicity campaign has begun already

CBI: Bannon was right about this party!

Rusty is hustled out of the room. He seems a bit calmer.

CBI: I am not to be bothered the rest of the day. Everyone in this room is fired.

The USA will be Minority White by Mid-Century

Census population projections as of March 2018 predict the whites will become a minority in the USA around 2045[1]. This issue has been raised (and buried) repeatedly within the Republican Party.

And that means we can take a short break from my droning on, and instead let the RNC drone on for a bit. The excerpts a few paragraphs down are taken from the document entitled the Growth and Opportunity Project but routinely referred to as the RNC-Autopsy of 2013, referring to Mitt Romney’s election loss and how the GOP could retake the presidency[2]

The RNC document is fairly frank, as these things. Most RNC documents read as little more than vague cheerleading exercises for the Republican ‘brand’[3] and endless generalizations of the Democrats’ dismantling of the American Dream.

The ‘RNC Autopsy’ (this became the report’s de-facto name) takes a fairly candid look at why and how Mitt Romney lost, as well as various ideological and logistic challenges for the party going forward. Most of these are fairly banal, despite their critical importance (fundraising, advertising strategies, etc.). The section that got the most play was the short Introduction to Messaging essay. I would recommend reading all of it. Briefly, it stressed that Democrats had won the popular vote in 4 of the last 6 elections (make that 5 out of 7 now) and that the Republican message was going largely unheard by large swaths of the populations, particularly by an economically stagnant middle class, those living in poverty (at last count over 40,000,000 people) and most minorities, especially younger ones.

This theme continued throughout the piece, including the following astonishing (for Republicans) tidbits:

We should speak out when CEOs receive tens of millions of dollars in retirement packages but middle-class workers have not had a meaningful raise in years

One of the contributors to this problem is that while Democrats tend to talk about people, Republicans tend to talk about policy. Our ideas can sound distant and removed from people’s lives. Instead of connecting with voters’ concerns, we too often sound like bookkeepers

As Ada Fisher, the Republican National Committeewoman from North Carolina told us, “There are some people who need the government.”

We have to blow the whistle at corporate malfeasance and attack corporate welfare

Honestly, most of this essay could have come from a Democrat candidate’s policy speech.

These plot points were followed by the America Looks Different section, which outlines what everyone knows: that the United States is becoming more Hispanic and less White (with a capital ‘W’). The words ‘ethnic’ and Hispanic are used interchangeably in this section. The sole obsession as of that writing was claiming more Hispanic voters: Blacks, Asians and any other ethnicities, minorities, ‘races’, etc. were ignored. This makes for realistic, if not especially admirable, policy: it is the Hispanic population that is growing dynamically and which frequently holds the balance of power in some western states.

As most anyone is aware the current administration has not worked very hard to implement these recommendations[4]. In fact, alienation and harassment of Hispanics has been one of the faces of the New Normal, and it has become an increasingly ugly face indeed.[5]

The Republicans, like anyone else whose business relates to politics or demographics, are keenly aware of this ongoing shift in the makeup of the populace. At this point in time it does not appear that actually adjusting policy or candidate makeup will be part of the strategy.[6]

Naturally, there is always the chance that the Republican party will modify its platform and policies to focus on demographic realities, focusing on outreach to Hispanic (and other ethnic) communities, revisiting soon-to-be dormant or dead affirmative action programs, make a conscious effort to field minority candidates, etc. And there is certainly a chance that the Hispanic community will wholeheartedly embrace the GOP in the future, forgiving the noxious and insulting attitudes towards minorities that define official federal (and Republican in general) policy at the moment.

There is also the chance that you are laughing too hard to continue reading. Let’s pause for a moment while the laughter dies down …

I believe the strategy will come from a different place, one that is already being implemented, and will continue to be to a much greater extent. Before getting too deeply into this lets return to yours and my favorite document: yes, the notorious RNC Autopsy.

One of the most interesting little digressions in the mea culpa i.e.’ we blew it with minorities and Millennials’ section is the assertion that the Republican party was a superstar on the state level; it was only national elections that were troublesome and needed a rethink. To wit:

Republican governors are America’s reformers in chief. They continue to deliver on conservative promises of reducing the size of government while making people’s lives better. They routinely win a much larger share of the minority vote than GOP presidential candidates, demonstrating an appeal that goes beyond the base of the Party.

It is time for Republicans on the federal level to learn from successful Republicans on the state level.

Well, OK. The nature of the reform and making ‘people’s lives better’ is certainly up for debate, as it mostly involves ongoing attempts to destroy trade unions, suppress minority voting and redistribute wealth upwards, but I am more concerned with the last sentence I quoted. [7]

It’s time to take a look at Texas (I promised we’d get there eventually, if you’re reading the footnotes), a state where whites are now a clear minority. Both Hispanics and Whites comprise roughly 40% of the population, with other ethnic groups (most notably African-Americans) making up the rest. [8] The Texas Demographic Center (a division of the U.S. Census Bureau) agrees with this estimate as well; the projections found there show the Hispanic population becoming the plurality ethnic group by 2024.[9]

Texas is the great Purple Pumpkin for the Democratic Party. Flip Texas and it is pretty much game over as far as national elections go.[10] Both California and Texas have similar demographics, and surprisingly Texas (with 23%) trails only New Mexico in the percentage of Latino legislators, with Arizona and California close behind.[11] Commendable as it seems, 23% is considerably less than the 40% Hispanic population of Texas.

To get the point, Texas is run by white people, the agenda is set by white people, and it’s always been this way. There is no need to get into the history of discrimination and suppression of Hispanics in Texas but suffice to say it has been an ugly and consistent part of its history. This has never really changed, and the Texas legislature is not only dominated by whites, but by exceptionally right-wing white Republicans.

There are several mechanisms available to promulgate (white) minority rule in Texas and the United States. In Texas, gerrymandering has been pursued to such an extreme extent that the city of Austin (by far the most Democratic and liberal area in the state) has been spread around 6 voting districts: five of them are held by Republicans and city residents are a minority in each one[12] The hyper-aggressive and racially-based gerrymandering has just been upheld by the Supreme Court[13]

In response to both the 2016 election and the ever starker ethnic divides in the United States, Texas has passed a number of laws targeting Hispanics. The most notorious is currently the “Sanctuary Cities” bill that allows anyone pulled over or detained to be asked (or would that be interrogated?) about their immigration status.[14] This is sadly in keeping with Texas’s shameful history of Latino harassment, but it must be noted that this kind of action comes with the explicit blessing of the Republican ruling class. This parallels the inhumane and counterproductive ICE policies currently on display at the California border.

There is now an excellent chance that the Supreme Court will have a majority for a very long time. After Trump’s appointment there will be a hardcore right wing majority in place, and by the way, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is 85 years old. Thus, reversing the out of control gerrymandering seems unlikely in the near future, despite the clear violations of the Voting Rights Act. Oh, and speaking of the Voting Rights Act, it is gradually being diluted in any case. [15]

Ah, voting. The gerrymandering is an old and time-honored way to manipulate elections (and it should be noted that the Democrats do their share as well)[16]

A more recent entrant to the voting dilution challenge is Voter Fraud. According to various (entirely Republican) players, voter fraud is endemic and must be stopped. The president himself has claimed repeatedly that he won the popular vote but that “millions” of votes were cast illegally. Now of course, Donald Trump will lie about anything and everything, and this particular rant should be classified with any of the others, but it is an idea that has gained tremendous traction among the predictable factions. There are eight states that have now implemented more rigorous voter ID requirements, usually citing voter fraud, and generally citing between aero and one example as justification.[17]

Ending voter fraud is certainly not the goal these pillars of democratic values are aiming for. Any additional mechanisms to dilute or contain ‘ethnic’ (i.e. non-Republican) votes will be created and used. The justification is dead simple: the numbers do not favor Republicans in most cases. Thus, rigorous ID checks in selected (did someone say ethnic?) areas will depress not only voting but turnout. If Hispanic voters are ‘carefully’ checked up and down, back and forth for their adherence to every little detail of these new statutes, well, that will certainly slow down the process, wont it? You might have to wait in line for a while. And while you’re there, maybe some friendly Texas or ICE (or whoever else gets to enforce this stuff in the future) agents will ask for your bona fide citizenship credentials. Not exactly a recipe for increased minority voting activity.

Not to put too cynical a spin on it, but the United States is (rapidly in some cases, very slowly in others) evolving towards a neo-apartheid state, where a shrinking but empowered and moneyed minority will control a growing, economically stagnant majority. It has long been explicit Republican policy to enrich a tiny minority, usually masquerading as pro-growth tax policy.[18] While employment is at almost record levels today, middle class wages have been stagnant in real terms for 20 years or more.[19]

In the meantime the United States has developed into one of the most lopsided examples of wage inequality in the world.[20] This may be the marketplace in action according to GOP dogma but make no mistake: it is by careful and ongoing design.

Will the inevitable growth of non-white ethnicities (as well as Millennials and other disenfranchised groups who have been left out of the economic “boom”) result in a rearrangement of voting patterns and elected leaders. Or will the United States hurtle further towards an oligarchy[21] that, statistically, is already in place? I am not certain the answer to both can be yes. If I had to bet I would choose the latter.[22]

  2. You can read the whole thing here:
  3. The most notorious is of course the Republican Platform every four years, with typical blather about American Exceptionalism, lots of freedom talk and of course scolding those bad Democrats.[1]-ben_1468872234.pdf Looking back ironically (easy to do I know) this section of the introduction ‘Our standing in world affairs has declined significantly — our enemies no longer fear us and our friends no long trust us. People want and expect an America that is the most powerful and respected country on the face of the earth.’ seems especially mordant, considering Trump’s popularity worldwide compared to Obama’s (although esteemed statesmen Duterte and Modi seem to prefer Trump, in Modi’s case at least at first). The chapter entitled A Rebirth of Constitutional Government also offers excellent comedic elements.
  4. Call him what you will (and we like to here), Donald Trump is not a hypocrite. When the RNC Autopsy was released he was very harsh in his assessment:
  5. There is no need to belabor this rather obvious fact – the images of children separated from parents at the border will surely becoming an enduring legacy of Trump’s ‘America First’ blather. It is also sad that the state of Texas, where nearly 40% of American citizens are of Hispanic descent, has continued to implement laws and policy that disenfranchise those ethnic groups, surely as at least a partial result of the 2016 election. More on Texas further down.
  6. You can see the notorious 2016 photo of Paul Ryan proudly posing with the incoming Republican interns here: There seem to be over 80 interns in the shot, every last one of them white (later scruitny revealed a single black women in the back)
  7. Although GOP gubernatorial policies as a whole are without the scope of this little essay, the recent experiment in Kansas shows how effective the ‘supply side’ idea is when you don’t have the ability to print money and your bond issues are not, shall we say, the most attractive available at the moment.
  8. The 2010 census declares that Whites comprised 70.4% of the population of Texas. This is widely considered a fictitious number, and most sources from all sides point to there being roughly 1 million or so more whites than Hispanics in 2017. There is little debate any longer about whether whites are a minority in the state.
  10. The next domino to fall would be Florida, but that is a different discussion.
  11. New Mexico:37% , Texas:23% , Arizona: 21%, California: 19%
  12. This essay offers a good overview of the disconnect between the realities of Texas and the strange obsessions of its legislature.
  14. Texas has no sanctuary cities, if you were wondering, but the ever vigilant legislature is thinking in ahead
  16. Many political scholars (far from all), consider the republicans far more egregious and extreme than the Democrats as this practice is currently constituted. See also
  18. Government Regulatory Agencies are also popular for shifting resources upwards, both financially and in the form of decreased protections and safety nets for citizens they are ‘protecting’. There have been many studies and opinions of this. Start with a Wikipedia page and then perhaps go on to Of course no regulation at all probably is no the answer either:
  19. There are several useful chats here: This is not a radical viewpoint, and I could cite many more sources but this article and group of charts sums it up nicely.
  20. The US is actually fourth in the world among developed nations as of 2015, according to this article. The top five in income inequality also have the 5 highest poverty rates (the UK is number 6 in income inequality but number 13 in poverty rate, presumably due to a highly functional safety net)
  21. And a little afterwordAs long as we’re veering off into election strategies, it must be noted that trade unions have been squarely in GOP sights for decades now (with occasional exceptions, such as certain Teamster factions). The unions represent a twin bogeyman: not only does collective bargaining (this battleground has shifted from the manufacturing sector to public employees in most cases) present a challenge to the hegemony of the Republican donor class, but concomitant with that, unions are instrumental in promoting democratic candidates and providing logistical support for Democratic voting efforts, from voter drives to candidate forums, even to the point of organizing transport for union members to polling places. The Supreme Court decision to overturn a law requiring non-union workers to pay fees applied toward collective bargaining has dealt a body blow to the union movement’s fundraising ability. See is just the tip of the iceberg. Recent Koch Brothers efforts have explicitly gone towards “defunding the political left”. Yes, that would mean unions, most specifically government unions. Hey, that government money if for the donor class! The “defund the left” slogan has been around at least since the Reagan era. See also: With the Supreme Court rubber- stamping any anti-union initiatives, these efforts will accelerate markedly.

    As a final sighing coda to the oligarchy theme, it must be noted that the primary engine of the growth and prosperity of the American middle class was the Labor Union movement. Their decline has run parallel with wage stagnation and perpetual diminishment of the American middle class.


The Ever Growing Candidate Pool

We introduce a new character here to our super-duper You Are There interludes, please welcome …

SEM ! – Shameless ex-mayor, and CBI’s new goto for legal matters

(applause, possibly metaphorical, metaphysical, or meta-data)

CBI: Let’s make it quick, golf at 1 today

CBI: Who’s got burger duty?

CBI: Never mind, I’ll get one at the course.

BS: Sir, we are going to open up the election process

CBI: That doesn’t sound good. I thought we’re trying to close it off to everyone but real Americans.

BS: Yes, and nobody is more of a true American than a pooch

CBI: A dog? I don’t like dogs.

SEM: There is nothing in the constitution about it. We are going to calculate ages in dog years, so we can run candidates 4 years and older. And of course the dog will be born in the USA, American through and through.

SEM: We can control them pretty easily, usually with a treat or 2. And the promise of MAGA. Even dogs are patriotic. probably more so than many of our so-called ‘American’ opponents.


IR: It will be like Scalia and Thomas. Thomas was his hand puppet.

PS: The most important thing is, the dog will be cute and be one of the faces of the administration. I’ll have him with me at the briefings. If they ask a typical hostile question I’ll signal the candidate to make a sour face. We’re working on training programs right now.

PS: Then we can accuse the press of making him unhappy

CBI: Ok, get on it and have those burgers ready next time

… to be continued

Goodbye to Paul Ryan

Paul Ryan will be retiring from congress this November. He is unlikely to return, despite being a shoo-in for (re)election in the future. The landscape is different now than anything he ever envisioned, with a blustering, ignorant demagogue barking orders at anyone and everyone in sight. Or insults of course. Paul Ryan was not made for these times. He is fading away quickly.[1]

John Boehner resigned from the House after years of futility trying to wrangle the Freedom Caucus into line with mainstream GOP policy. He is by all accounts a happier person today; occasionally surfacing to proffer his opinions on his old buddies seems to sufficiently satisfy any remaining politics jones[2]. Thus Paul Ryan, wunderkind and future face of the GOP was handed the thankless task of Speaker of the House in 2015.

Although it is not inconceivable that dealing with luminaries such as Jim Jordan and his flock would be enough to force Ryan (and everyone else) to flee to the nearest golf course, it is clear that the tipping point in the abrupt cessation of Ryan’s once bright political future is Trump, and Trumpism.

It is important to understand that Paul Ryan has had just 2 employers in his adult life: his family’s business and the federal government.[3] Ryan is essentially a career politician, propelled to easy electoral victories by his family’s dominance of private and public life in Janesville, his hometown in Wisconsin. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it hasn’t been that rough a road to head of the House for young Paul. And that is the most ironic part of the whole equation: the ride was going to stay smooth, as the party was bending over backward to hand him the GOP presidential nomination in 2016. Had he announced his candidacy he would have been the prohibitive favorite. Alas, it was a nomination he did not want in the slightest.

In 2012, running with deeply flawed and out of touch Mitt Romney, Ryan got a taste of what national politics were like. Although largely (not entirely) insulated from the anything goes rough and tumble of a national run, Ryan got full exposure to the way insults, invective and completely unfounded ‘rumors’ and ‘theories’ were flung back and forth. Unlike inside operators like the Clintons and Bushes, or gifted orators such as Reagan and Obama who relished the public forum, or even a borderline sociopath like Donald Trump, who needs a constant stream of real or imagined enemies to rant against while various cronies and bandwaggoneers cheer him on, Paul Ryan does not have the stomach for public conflict.

Compared to oily, ambition-addled ideologues like Ted Cruz or plodding career hacks like Jeb Bush, Ryan was a breath of fresh air. And he certainly looks better too. The problem is, not only was his ambition remarkably lacking compared to his peers, so were his goals. Despite perpetual mumbling about Entitlement Reform, and pointing to the ridiculous, deficit-swelling 2017 tax cut as a signature career accomplishment (coming in the wake of the continuous humiliation of failing to kill off the evil socialist Obamacare, among other conspicuous legislative non-starters), it is hard to pinpoint any real core beliefs belonging to Paul Ryan, outside of a deep commitment to transferring wealth and resources from poor to rich. The House was simply a natural stop for a wealthy and popular ‘businessman’ who has never had to look for a job.

Ryan naturally inherited opportunities that staunch Republican standard-bearers such as Lindsay Graham and Marco Rubio have worked their whole careers to get a sniff of. The Vice-presidential nomination was handed to him with no lobbying on his part; it is still uncertain whether his heart was in it. Certainly his campaigning in 2012, despite the familiar half-smile and easygoing manner, was lackluster. Even so, Ryan escaped the election with his reputation as the GOP’s brightest new star intact. The 2016 nomination was his to lose. But …he wanted no part of it. He was out before anyone could put him in.

What Ryan enjoyed were his wonky closed door GOP policy meetings, where he and his various spreadsheets could outline his case for ‘Entitlement Reform’, the impending Social Security crisis, and various other arguments in favor of increasing income and wealth inequality. The obeisance to graphs and policy papers contributed heavily to Ryan’s burgeoning reputation as the intellectual stalwart of the Republican Party, the face of the future and the moral underpinning for basing government policy on Ayn Rand novels.

After a while these sessions invariably induced both eye-rolling and complete ennui among his colleagues. The donor class was going to get paid with or without his spreadsheets, and his ‘proof’ that only funneling more resources to the rich would avert financial disaster was eventually met with indifference. Well of course – no math calculations needed here, Paul.

In the age of Trump, no one (certainly not Trump), has any interest in spreadsheets, or in calculations or premeditated policy of any kind. Ryan waffled for some time before endorsing Trump, but endorse him he did. After a few months where Ryan played “will he or won’t he”, he not only endorsed Trump but remained increasingly silent as his party pivoted overtly to one openly driven by racism and demagoguery. With nary a spreadsheet in sight. And Ryan has gradually been retreating from any skirmish at all with the new normal. The Trump cabal’s and the Freedom Caucus’ repeated attacks on Ryan were enough writing on the wall for him.[4] A golf date with John Boehner looks better all the time.

  1. In a modern slice of ignominy, typing “Paul” into a browser search field reveals the following suggestions for last names: George, D (“Pauly D’), Rudd, Walker, Patton (‘Paula Patton’), Simon, Bettany, Getty, Shore and Newman. No suggestions for Ryan. The list includes 3 dead people.
  2. In May 2017 Boehner notoriously was quoted that “Everything he’s <Trump> done (in office) has been a complete disaster <with the exception of foreign policy>” See also for the latest.
  3. Strictly speaking this is not true, but realistically Ryan’s political career was launched by his and his wife’s various professional networks and contacts. The only job he has held outside of politics since college was briefly with Ryan Inc. Central, a road grading company that is part of his extended family’s construction empire.