Meet the New Candidate

The scene is the Roosevelt Room. Most of the Cabinet and higher level staffers are in attendance. SEM has a good-sized German Shepherd on a leash. The dog is slightly agitated but not hostile.

SEM: Ladies and Gentleman meet Rusty. We are running him for the 10th District in California.

CBI is eating a hamburger. There is another hamburger on a plate to his right.

SEM: Sir, We’d like you to meet Rusty, one of the new faces of the new Republican party. He is the first of what we hope will be a successful group of alternatives to business as usual in Washington and state legislatures.

BS: We’re cleaning up the swamp! Nothing is cleaner than a dog!

There is a brief silence in the room. CBI takes another bite of his hamburger.

CBI: (mumbling with mouth full). You KNOW I don’t like dogs. OK, never mind, let’s get this over with.

PS: We need a quick group of photos sir, then we’ll leave you alone

LZ1 and LZ2 enter the room smiling

CBI: Do they have to be in the shot too?

PS: Party unity sir. There will be a series of shots and we need the Lizard twins in there just to show we are behind Rusty 100%. He IS incorruptible.

LZ1: After that Pruitt mess we need someone a little more likable.

SEM leads Rusty to CBI. CBI has just started on the second hamburger. The photographers and videographers are ready to record the meeting. SEM is grinning broadly. Rusty is slightly more agitated.

SEM: Sir I’d like you to meet Rusty, Republican candidate. Shake, Rusty!

CBI extends his non-burger hand. Rusty the German Shepherd leaps for the (almost whole) hamburger in the other hand. CBI is bowled over backwards. Rusty is grabbing for the burger but CBI is showing impressive dexterity in keeping it barely out of reach. SEM has maintained hold of the leash but has been capsized and is on the floor desperately preventing Rusty from getting at CBI’s burger.

The 3 tussle on the floor in a maze of suits, dog and burger. There is bedlam in the room. CBI continues to wrestle on the floor with Rusty. Rusty has gained control of the burger and is finishing wolfing it down. SEM has lost his grasp on the leash and is trapped on the floor adjacent to Rusty and CBI; the leash is now wrapped around SEM.

After several staffers intervene order is restore. PS has taken control of the leash. SEM is attempting to straighten his wrinkled suit, which has a large tear at the left knee. CBI’s suit appears intact but is severely wrinkled and has large spots of dog saliva in several places.

CBI: Shoot this animal!

PS: No sir! The publicity campaign has begun already

CBI: Bannon was right about this party!

Rusty is hustled out of the room. He seems a bit calmer.

CBI: I am not to be bothered the rest of the day. Everyone in this room is fired.